Lessons learned

When one finds them-self landing in familiar places, and I’m speaking primarily about relationships,chances are choices and patterns are getting repeated. At some point a person needs to stand back and take some responsibility for what they are doing that is contributing to this repetition. It’s sounds so simple, but when your talking about people that come “packaged” so differently it can be difficult to decipher.

As an addict would say, you must hit rock bottom first before you can desire change. Well I hit rock bottom in my last relationship and I do not want to repeat THAT again.

This are the things I tend to do….

Dumbing down. I catch myself doing this to bolster the confidence of the insecure guy I’ve chosen to be in my life. This includes pretending I don’t know how something works so I can endure their painful step by step, mike Holmes rendition of “how to”. Or overly complimenting him on something he’s done no matter how trivial, such as preparing a meal. Bravo, I make 365 of them a year minus a handful of take out, order ins and copping out nights.

Overly accommodating. I allow myself to become consumed with the overly demanding every minute of my time guy. This includes being patient when he has other things on the go, but prepared to drop any of my plans if my company is requested. Yuck! I hate even writing that I do that.

Easily forgiving and painfully understanding. How many chances to royally mess up is one guy entitled to. This includes anything from offensive remarks, aloof and indifferent behaviour, pompous acts of inflated sense of self importance and just one too many referrals or comparisons to ex girlfriends…..out!!

The Matador challenge. I tend to pick the “hard to get”, mysterious, “bad boys”. I suppose I used to think it was charming and funny to wrangle and bring home my wild boar catch and attempt to domesticate him through my “beguiling” lovability. It is an outgrown fascination that no longer serves. In the beginning. I tend to pull out all the stops in an over eager, pour out my heart kind of way. In essence, I over compensate in an attempt to prove how desirable I am. The more he holds back, the harder I try, until i reach my limit and accept his disinterest. This is where, the men I choose tend to latch on in an unhealthy, controlling, suffocating type way. No more….I now believe, I am worthy of being pursued, courted, pampered with attention and affection in a mature, non game like fashion right from the get go, not when I’ve got one foot out the door.

Peacekeeping. I find it necessary to avoid conflict, by being agreeable, giggling instead of objecting, and biting my tongue when being served a big pile of horse shit. This also includes settling. Any kind of settling including an unsatisfactory sex life – uh uh no more.

Excuses, excuses. My naive nature has allowed me to give men the benefit of the doubt for their shortcomings. This is an enabling quality that encourages men to keep their thumbs stuck in their mouths. grow up, be accountable and get over it. Speak the truth, and do what you say your going to do. Simple.

Ok. So…now that I can let all those annoying traits go, I think I’m ready!

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